one two three fourrrrnication!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
