I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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