i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Randomize
