girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
