yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
