A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
