the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
