Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
