You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm lost and stupid without you.
barbara walters just said penis...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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