Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
