I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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