tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
