Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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