I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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