frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
