He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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