haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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