He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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