Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
