You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
