I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
