The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
