Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
