my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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