I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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