I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
