shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
