It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
