i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
