Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
