it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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