I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
