Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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