I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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