toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
