Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
