I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize