Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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