Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
