this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
