It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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