They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
