so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
