He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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