I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
