is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
