I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
