my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't turn off my feet"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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