I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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