one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
