im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize