Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
