My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
