what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
