Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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