i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
