i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
