You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
