My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just cropdusted the office
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
