so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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