don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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