6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
