dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
