Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
