***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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