just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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