i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think i have two assholes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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