She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
