Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize