I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
