Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
